The Second (and possibly annual but probably not because this was fucking exhausting) Dixon Movie Awards

Originally posted at http://dixonsbl0g.blogspot.com/ on February 18, 2019

As I rank the movies of 2018, I’m reminded of Chis O’Dowd’s character in Juliet, Naked. The forty-third film on my list this year discusses the subjectivity of art and the contrasting effects it can have on different people. O’Dowd’s character Duncan meets his musical idol Tucker Crowe played by Ethan Hawke, only to discover that he despises his own music and anyone who enjoys it.

In response to Crowe’s castigation, Duncan replies, “I value that album more than maybe anything I’ve ever heard, not because it’s perfect, but because of what it means to me. Ultimately, I don’t give a shit what it means to you. Art isn’t for the artist, no more than water is for the bloody plumber. But thank you, I really really enjoyed it.”

I came away from that screening questioning the value of film criticism and the 741 different annual movie award shows. Art shouldn’t be objectified or quantified. A movie that deeply affected me might not mean anything to you, and that’s okay. If you loved Venom, that’s great. I’m glad it brought you joy. That’s hard to come by in this world.

Anyway, here’s every movie I saw this year, ranked from best to worst. If you disagree with anything in this list, then you’re a dumb piece of shit.

2018 Movies Ranked

1. First Reformed
2. Foxtrot
3. Roma
4. Annihilation
5. The Sentence
6. Minding the Gap
7. A Girl Named C
8. Hereditary
9. Isle of Dogs
10. The Favourite
11. Burning
12. Private Life
13. Leaning Into the Wind: Andy Goldsworthy
14. Blindspotting
15. Sorry to Bother You
16. You Were Never Really Here
17. Hearts Beat Loud
18. Suspiria
19. The Tale
20. The Hate U Give
21. Let the Sunshine In
22. Outside In
23. Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse
24. Meerkat Moonship
25. Sweet Country
26. Makala
27. Did You Wonder Who Fired the Gun?
28. Of Fathers and Sons
29. Won’t You Be My Neighbor?
30. Can You Ever Forgive Me?
31. Shoplifters
32. Widows
33. Mandy
34. Hold the Dark
35. If Beale Street Could Talk
36. Cold War
37. Long Day’s Journey Into Night
38. The Miseducation of Cameron Post
39. Don’t Worry, He Won’t Get Far on Foot
40. What They Had
41. All About Nina
42. 1985
43. Juliet, Naked
44. A Star is Born
45. First Man
46. Mission: Impossible — Fallout
47. The Meg
48. Love, Simon
49. Come Sunday
50. Tully
51. The Long Dumb Road
52. Speaking in Tongues
53. Disobedience
54. Izzy Gets the Fuck Across Town
55. At Eternity’s Gate
56. Crime + Punishment
57. Mid 90s
58. Support the Girls
59. Eighth Grade
60. Zama
61. Loveless
62. Fail State
63. Divide and Conquer: The Story of Roger Ailes
64. Triumph: The Untold Story of Perry Wallace
65. The Dawn Wall
66. People’s Republic of Desire
67. F/11 and Be There
68. Beast
69. The Old Man & the Gun
70. Revenge
71. BlackkKlansman
72. Wildlife
73. The Kindergarten Teacher
74. Dark Money
75. RBG
76. Nancy
77. Gemini
78. A Quiet Place
79. Thunder Road
80. Summer ‘03
81. Puzzle
82. Don’t Leave Home
83. 3 Faces
84. The Ballad of Buster Scruggs
85. Damsel
86. Stan & Ollie
87. Searching
88. Assassination Nation
89. Skate Kitchen
90. Never Goin’ Back
91. They’ll Love Me When I’m Dead
92. Free Solo
93. Three Identical Strangers
94. Monrovia, Indiana
95. A Bread Factory
96. Destroyer
97. Happy as Lazzaro
98. Beautiful Boy
99. Boy Erased
100. A Vigilante
101. Hot Summer Nights
102. The Final Year
103. On Her Shoulders
104. Daughters of the Sexual Revolution
105. They Shall Not Grow Old
106. Capernaum
107. Fast Color
108. Halloween
109. Clara
110. Vox Lux
111. We the Animals
112. Leave No Trace
113. Set It Up
114. Dumplin
115. I Feel Pretty
116. Run Like the Devil
117. Mom and Dad
118. How to Talk to Girls at Parties
119. Cold Water
120. The Rider
121. Unsane
122. Thoroughbreds
123. Lean on Pete
124. The Other Side of the Wind
125. Final Portrait
126. 1945
127. Shirkers
128. The Gospel According to Andre
129. Border
130. Vice
131. Bad Times at the El Royale
132. Game Night
133. The Wife
134. Crazy Rich Asians
135. I Am Not a Witch
136. The Death of Stalin
137. The Christmas Chronicles
138. The Mule
139. Anna and the Apocalypse
140. Lizzie
141. The Land of Steady Habits
142. The Sisters Brothers
143. Blaze
144. Black Panther
145. Ant Man and the Wasp
146. Avengers: Infinity War
147. Hale County This Morning, This Evening
148. Overlord
149. Monsters and Men
150. Where is Kyra?
151. Prospect
152. Ismael’s Ghosts
153. Lover for a Day
154. Hitler’s Hollywood
155. All Square
156. Blame
157. Sun Dogs
158. Opuntia
159. Claire’s Camera
160. Mary Queen of Scots
161. Bohemian Rhapsody
162. The Girl in the Spider’s Web
163. Incredibles 2
164. Ocean’s 8
165. A Wrinkle in Time
166. Upgrade
167. The Oath
168. A Private War
169. Mary Poppins Returns
170. Slice
171. Proud Mary
172. Green Book
173. Tag
174. The Predator
175. Jurassic World: Fallen Kingdom
176. Tomb Raider
177. Ready Player One
178. Venom
179. Skyscraper
180. Fahrenheit 451
181. Galveston
182. The Endless
183. Above the Clouds
184. Peppermint
185. The Black String
186. A Simple Favor
187. On Chesil Beach
188. Chappaquiddick
189. Summer 1993
190. American Animals
191. White Boy Rick
192. First Light
193. Wildling
194. The Dancing Dogs of Dombrova
195. Waiting for the Miracle to Come
196. Sicario: Day of the Soldado
197. Solo: A Star Wars Story
198. Madeline’s Madeline
199. 6 Balloons
200. Show Dogs

Best Picture: First Reformed

Few films feel more of the moment in 2018 than Paul Schrader’s First Reformed. I wrote a full post on this movie when its was released in May, so I’ll try to avoid making the same points. The film is a critique of the church’s response to climate change, but in a broader sense, it’s a critique of America’s response to climate change.

The church owns its fair share of the blame, and it’s an institution that Schrader knows intimately. The Biblical call to protect God’s creation is hypocritically ignored by the church as it seeks to appease its corporate donors. However, this movie could be made about any number of American institutions. We have all ignored climate science in the interest of short term comforts, whether they be millions of dollars in corporate donations or an air-conditioned summer afternoon. The film points the finger not at individuals benefitting from modern technology, but at the institutions fighting to preserve the prevalence of fossil fuels.

Schrader poses the increasingly practical question of how a person should react when faced with certain destruction. As the lead character grows to understand the inevitability of the earth’s fate and the unwillingness of the community around him to do anything, he is forced to make a choice. Will he continue to live normally and hope for the best, or will he sink into the depths of his own despair? If you’re familiar with Schrader’s work, you can probably guess which direction he goes.

This is one of the bleakest films I’ve ever seen, but at the same time, its existence provides hope that there are other people that appreciate the magnitude of the problem. Maybe we’re all doomed, but at least we’re not alone in our despair, despite what we may feel.

Best Director: Paul Schrader - First Reformed

This feels like the film Paul Schrader has always wanted to make. He’s an expert in crafting stories of depression and loneliness, as seen in the 1976 classic Taxi Driver. Growing up in a conservative Christian household, Schrader wasn’t allowed to watch movies. He didn’t discover his love of cinema until moving out of his parents’ home. He quickly fell in love with the medium, becoming a film critic before moving into screen writing.

Schrader takes the isolated, angry male protagonist that he’s perfected throughout his career and points him directly at the institution that defined his childhood: the Christian church. His anger is dripping out of every scene, but to Schrader’s credit, he presents both sides of the issue. Ethan Hawke’s character gives voice to what the Bible actually says about humanity’s response to climate change. The book is full of passages dictating the preservation of God’s creation. In contrast, the local megachurch projects the opinion that seems to be held by much of the modern church: God is in control, and therefore humanity has no choice in the matter.

Schrader’s film is a call to action. As Hawke’s character so aptly puts it, “Well somebody has to do something!”

Honorable Mentions
Samuel Maoz - Foxtrot
Alex Garland - Annihilation
Alfonso Cuaron - Roma
Bing Liu - Minding the Gap
Ari Aster - Hereditary
Wes Anderson - Isle of Dogs
Yorgos Lanthimos - The Favourite
Lee Chang-dong - Burning
Tamara Jenkins - Private Life

Best Actress in a Leading Role: Toni Collette - Hereditary

Unfortunately, the horror genre is often overlooked during awards season. That’s a shame because Toni Collette turned in the most impressive performance of the year in the absolutely terrifying Hereditary. The range she displays as she slowly transforms from a grieving mother into an insane, possibly possessed woman is incredible to watch. She gives a reserved, mournful performance before going completely berserk by the film’s end in a manner that can only be described as Nicolas Cage-esque. The best actress category is stacked this year, and all of the below performances are fantastic, but Collette stands out from the rest.

Honorable Mentions
Kathryn Hahn - Private Life
Yalitza Aparicio - Roma
Laura Dern - The Tale
Juliette Binoche - Let the Sunshine In
Olivia Colman - The Favourite
Rachel Weisz - The Favourite
Emma Stone - The Favourite
Charlize Theron - Tully
Melissa McCarthy - Can You Ever Forgive Me?
Mary Elizabeth Winstead - All About Nina
Maggie Gyllenhaal - The Kindergarten Teacher

Best Supporting Actress: Sakura Ando - Shoplifters

Hirokazu Koreeda’s Shoplifters is the story of an unrelated group of misfits living together as a family. Despite their lack of means, they take pity on a hungry child and invite her to stay with them. Sakura Ando plays Nobuyo, a woman who must balance her desire to be a mother with her moral concerns about taking in a mistreated child who potentially has biological parents searching for her.

Nobuyo ponders this dilemma as she and the rest of the family try to keep food on the table. From manual labor to shoplifting to prostitution, everyone pitches in so that the group can survive. The love between these characters inspires viewers to question why their own families can’t achieve something similar despite their undoubtedly better circumstances.

Honorable Mentions
Tessa Thompson - Sorry to Bother You
Elizabeth Debicki - Widows
Sarah Adler - Foxtrot
Marina de Tavira - Roma
Ann Dowd - Hereditary
Jong-seo Jun - Burning

Best Actor: Ethan Hawke - First Reformed

Hawke puts together the best performance of his career as the tragic Ernst Toller, reverend of a small satellite church that feeds into local megachurch Abundant Life. Fresh off a divorce and the death of his son, Toller’s mental and emotional state is challenged further by a congregant’s concerns about the inevitability of climate change.

As Toller begins to realize that the institution he’s been a part of his whole life is unwilling to address this issue, he’s faced with a difficult dilemma. How does he reconcile his religious beliefs with scientific fact? The Bible seems to support his views on climate change, but church leadership continually downplays his concerns and asks him to keep quiet. This crisis of conscience creates an incredibly interesting character who’s forced to confront a problem faced by many Christians. Is it morally defensible to support an institution that ignores the impending doom of the planet? Hawke gives the character a painful pensiveness that rings true with Christians who have dealt with the same issue.

Honorable Mentions
Joaquin Phoenix - You Were Never Really Here
Paul Giamatti - Private Life
Jay Duplass - Outside In
Lior Ashkenazi - Foxtrot
Timothee Chalamet - Beautiful Boy
Lakeith Stanfield - Sorry to Bother You

Best Supporting Actor: Steven Yeun - Burning

It’s tough to describe Lee Chang-dong’s Burning. Beginning as a simple love triangle, it evolves into a mysterious thriller. Steven Yeun gives a stellar performance as the enigmatic Ben, a rich young playboy with unclear intentions. The character’s impenetrable unknowability leaves viewers uncertain of whether he’s a harmless womanizer or a sinister psychopath.

Honorable Mentions
Richard E. Grant - Can You Ever Forgive Me?
Brian Tyree Henry - If Beale Street Could Talk
Nicholas Hoult - The Favourite
Armie Hammer - Sorry to Bother You
Daniel Kaluuya - Widows
Adam Driver - BlackkKlansman
Philip Ettinger - First Reformed

Best Screenplay (Original or Adapted): Boots Riley - Sorry to Bother You

Sorry to Bother You has to be the most original film of 2018. I’ve never seen anything quite like it. Boots Riley’s absurdist comedy cautions against the dangers of capitalism by depicting real life problems such as wealth inequality and then taking them one, two, or ten steps further.

Cassius Green (played by the great Lakeith Stanfield) takes a job at a telemarketing company and learns to be successful by using his white voice. As he ascends the corporate ladder, he encounters progressively scarier problems inherent to the capitalist system. The problems sometimes manifest in unrealistic ways, but that’s the point. The film is delving into the absurd in order to explain the ordinary.

I can’t discuss this film without mentioning the one-on-one scene between Stanfield and Armie Hammer, which contains the funniest informational video since Troy McClure. Its terrible stop motion animation looks like something Wes Anderson would make immediately after suffering severe head trauma.

One thing that sets Sorry to Bother You apart from other films about systemic American problems (such as First Reformed) is that it suggests a tangible, attainable solution. Riley is clearly angry, but his film doesn’t wallow in despair. Instead, it provides constructive criticism in the hopes of creating a better livelihood for the working class.

Honorable Mentions
Paul Schrader - First Reformed
Samuel Maoz - Foxtrot
Alex Garland - Annihilation
Ari Aster - Hereditary
Deborah Davis and Tony McNamara - The Favourite
Jung-mi Oh and Lee Chang-dong - Burning
Tamara Jenkins - Private Life
Daveed Diggs and Rafael Casal - Blindspotting

Best Cinematography: Alfonso Cuaron - Roma

Roma is perhaps the most beautifully shot film I’ve ever seen. Cuaron tells the tragic story of his childhood housekeeper through the eyes of an outsider. The black and white film is shot from a distance with long tracking shots, giving viewers the impression that they are peering into a private conversation. This approach surprisingly gives the film a more intimate feel than could be achieved through intense close-ups.

Every frame is packed with activity. Cuaron makes the world feel real by filling the background with unrelated people going about their day. While Cleo’s story is important, it’s simply one in a city of millions.

Roma is available to stream on Netflix, but it really deserves to be seen on the big screen if you get the chance. Cuaron’s cinematography is well worth the price of admission.

Honorable Mentions
Pawel Pogorzelski - Hereditary
Rob Hardy - Annihilation
Giora Bejach - Foxtrot
Thomas Townend - You Were Never Really Here
Kyung-pyo Hong - Burning
Hung-i Yao, Jingsong Dong, and David Chizallet - Long Day’s Journey Into Night
Emmanuel Gras - Makala
Benjamin Loeb - Mandy
Magnus Nordenhof Jonck - Hold the Dark
Sayombhu Mukdeeprom - Suspiria
Alexander Dynan - First Reformed
Tristan Oliver - Isle of Dogs
Thomas Riedelsheimer - Leaning Into the Wind: Andy Goldsworthy
Robbie Ryan - The Favourite
Lukasz Zal - Cold War

Best Score: Geoff Barrow and Ben Salisbury - Annihilation

Geoff Barrow and Ben Salisbury’s score fills viewers with dread and keeps them on the edge of their seats, only to beat them right back into their seats with sequences of booming bass unlike anything since Dunkirk. This terrifying, thought-provoking sci-fi epic leans on its score to get the mood exactly right in each scene.

Honorable Mentions
Jonny Greenwood - You Were Never Really Here
Mowg - Burning
Thom Yorke - Suspiria
Alexandre Desplat - Isle of Dogs
Nicholas Britell - If Beale Street Could Talk
Fred Frith - Leaning Into the Wind: Andy Goldsworthy
Sarah Giles and Nick Payne - The Favourite
Colin Stetson - Hereditary

Best Documentary Feature: The Sentence

Technically, this movie doesn’t qualify for film awards since it was bought by HBO and didn’t get a traditional theatrical release. I don’t care. It premiered at Sundance, and it’s a movie, so I’m putting it on my list.

I wrote about this film in my Doc Days Festival Review, so I’ll avoid repeating myself here. This movie kicked my ass. You will cry. It’s on HBO. Go watch it.

Honorable Mentions
Minding the Gap
A Girl Named C
Leaning Into the Wind: Andy Goldsworthy
Makala
Did You Wonder Who Fired the Gun?
Of Fathers and Sons
Won’t You Be My Neighbor?

Best Animated Film: Isle of Dogs

While this film has received plenty of fair criticism about its treatment of its Japanese characters, as well as the white savior character played by Greta Gerwig, it does a lot of things really well. The detail in Wes Anderson’s stop motion animation is gorgeous, and Alexandre Desplat compliments it with a fantastic score.

Despite the film’s problems, it has a lot of great things to say about immigration and poverty in modern America. One can’t help but draw parallels between the emperor separating dogs from their masters and ICE separating children from their families. Isle of Dogs provides hope that one day America can learn to welcome immigrants and stop treating them like animals.

Honorable Mention
Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse

Best Foreign Language Film: Foxtrot

Foxtrot is a beautifully shot analysis of grief, war, and family. Writer/director Samuel Maoz tells the story of a husband and wife coming to terms with the death of their son in the Israeli army. I briefly discussed the themes of this film in a previous post, and I don’t want to add much here. The less you know going into it, the better. It’s a great film that’s mostly flown under the radar since taking second place behind The Shape of Water at the 2017 Venice Film Festival. That’s a shame because it’s a much better movie.

Honorable Mentions
Roma
Burning
Let the Sunshine In
Meerkat Moonship
Makala
Of Fathers and Sons
Shoplifters
Cold War

Best Comedy: The Favourite

Director Yorgos Lanthimos is known for depressing and disturbing films like The Lobster and The Killing of a Sacred Deer, which was #5 on my list last year. With The Favourite, Lanthimos has created an equally dark film disguised as a comedic period piece. The movie is packed with clever jokes and witty banter, but at its core, it is a cynical film about the selfish nature of relationships.

The theme of all of Lanthimos’ films is that relationships are bullshit. Everyone is out for themselves, and other people only exist as tools to leverage for personal gain. There is no such thing as love or loyalty or sacrifice. Lanthimos somehow manages to convey these depressing themes while keeping the film funny and entertaining. The Favourite strikes an impressive balance between comedy and tragedy, successfully achieving both.

I would be remiss not to mention that this film has four of the year’s best performances. Olivia Colman, Rachel Weisz, and Emma Stone all received deserved Oscar nominations (let’s be honest, none of these roles are supporting), but Nicholas Hoult is also worthy of consideration for his role as a conniving politician.

Best Horror: Hereditary

An expertly made horror film about a family’s destruction, Hereditary reminds me a lot of Stanley Kubrick’s The Shining. That’s about the highest praise one can give a horror movie. Both films chronicle the unraveling of an American family as one member goes insane, possibly at the hands of demonic forces. Both feature engrossing cinematography with long tracking shots and terrifying scores that keep viewers on edge.

Removing the horror element entirely, Hereditary is one of the best family dramas of 2018. It’s a deep analysis of grief and its effects on relationships and mental health. The film feels personal and familiar, which is perhaps why it’s so unsettling when it turns for the worse.

Best Sci-Fi: Annihilation

Annihilation is the best science fiction movie to come out in years. Following his fantastic feature debut Ex Machina, writer/director Alex Garland creates a brilliant sci-fi/horror film about climate change, cancer, adversity, depression, self-destruction, and I’m sure many other things. Everyone seems to come out of this movie with a different idea of what it’s trying to say. That’s part of what makes it so great. The film is overflowing with complex ideas and really benefits from multiple viewings. I recently watched it for the third time, and it keeps getting better.

Best Action: You Were Never Really Here

Director Lynne Ramsay has taken a traditional B movie plot (aging action man saves young girl) and turned it into one of the year’s best films. Ramsay brings a level of artistry and detail seldom seen in this genre and takes the film to deeper, darker places than most action flicks are willing to go. At a brisk 89 minutes, the movie doesn’t ask much of its audience, but I left the theater wanting a little bit more. However, I’ll always take that over a bloated film that doesn’t know when to end.

Best Romance: If Beale Street Could Talk

Writer/director Barry Jenkins is one of the most skilled filmmakers in Hollywood. His 2016 masterpiece Moonlight is an all-time great film. His follow-up movie is a story about New York’s racist criminal justice system centered around two young lovers dealing with an unexpected pregnancy. Adapted from a James Baldwin novel, the film alternates between beautifully shot scenes of the lead characters falling in love and the struggles that arise following an unjust arrest. It shows how systemic racism impacts good people who are just trying to survive in a rigged system.

Best Superhero Movie: Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse

I hate superhero movies. They’re predictable and repetitive and boring. Typically they stay away from anything that could possibly be considered creative out of fear that they might sell one fewer ticket than budgeted. Thank God that Spider-Man: Into the Spider-Verse (a grammatical nightmare of a title) dared to break the mold. This is the first interesting superhero film since The Dark Knight. The unique animation style is gorgeous, and the film delves into complex scientific theories that most movies would be terrified to discuss for fear of alienating viewers. This was one of the most fun theatrical experiences of 2018. Having said all this, I missed the Fast & Furious franchise this year (the only good superhero franchise), and I can’t fucking wait for Hobbs & Shaw.

Best Live Action Short Film: Skin

Skin is an interesting look at race relations in the deep south. It begins as a profile of a poor white conservative family and quickly turns into a cathartic revenge film with ironic consequences. The ending is simultaneously disturbing and gratifying.

Best Documentary Short Film: My Dead Dad’s Porno Tapes

My Dead Dad’s Porno Tapes is a son’s effort to learn about his dad by analyzing his possessions, starting with a box of frequently used porno tapes. Charlie was never close with his ill-tempered father, who died of cancer at the age of 52. In talking with other family members, he discovers a cycle of generational abuse that created the man his father became. The film is a commentary on the poor communication in most parent-child relationships. It encourages parents and children to get to know each other as adults before it’s too late.

Best Animated Short Film: Animal Behaviour

Animal Behaviour takes place in a group therapy session composed of different species. From a pig that can’t stop eating to a praying mantis with cannibalistic relationship problems, the movie takes a humorous look at how our defining characteristics can often create our biggest problems.

Most Underrated Film: Leaning Into the Wind: Andy Goldsworthy

This is probably the most relaxing film I’ve ever seen. Documentarian Thomas Riedelsheimer follows British artist Andy Goldsworthy as he creates works of art in nature by rearranging leaves, petals, branches, and stones in interesting ways. Its beautiful cinematography inspires viewers to reconnect with nature and reevaluate their interaction with it. It’s streaming now. Check it out the next time you need to unwind after a tough day at work.

Worst Picture: Show Dogs

Oh my god. This fucking movie.

This pile of hot garbage is about a dog detective played by Ludacris who is forced to go undercover as a dog show contestant in order to solve a crime. It’s basically Miss Congeniality but with dogs. That may sound like a cute, fun time at the movies, but nothing can prepare you for the extremely dark, fucked up turn this thing takes.

In order for Ludacris’ character Max to win the dog show, he must allow the judges to feel his junk. He is understandably very uncomfortable with this. Quick side note: Why is this a thing in dog shows? Is he pure bred? Check. Is he well groomed? Check. Does he look good walking around? Check. Do his balls feel nice in your hands? Oh no, these balls are far too wrinkly. That’s a three tenths deduction.

Anyway, Max’s human partner Frank, played by Will Arnett, helps him to overcome his fear of fondling by “going to his happy place” and blocking out the outside world. This is an appropriate time to remind you that Show Dogs is a children’s movie. A children’s movie whose climactic moment is dependent on the lead character accepting his inevitable sexual assault.

How this movie ever got released is beyond me. In the middle of Hollywood’s Me Too movement, not one single studio executive found this to be inappropriate? Shame on everyone who was involved with this abomination. This is the worst movie of the year, and it’s not close.

Conclusion

If you made it through all my hot takes, my hat’s off to you. My opinions are pointless, and I appreciate you reading them. After all, the value of art is in the eye of the beholder. If there’s a movie you enjoyed that’s too low on my list, I’d love to hear your thoughts in the comment section. Unless you liked Show Dogs. If that movie brought you joy, then you’re a pedophile, and you can get the fuck out.

Michael Dixon is a mild mannered accountant by day and a mild mannered movie watcher by night. He will not do your taxes for you. He lives in Austin, Texas with his lovely television and collection of fine whiskies. You can’t purchase his book anywhere because it doesn’t exist.