Every 2020 Nicolas Cage Movie, Ranked
This horrifying year has finally come to a close, and for those of us that survived, it’s time to look back on the best movies of 2020… starring Nicolas Cage. That’s right, folks. I’m taking you on a journey upon which few have dared to embark and even fewer have returned. Our noble quest is not for the faint of heart. The path before us is littered with exhausted cinephiles unable to withstand the onslaught of shock and boredom relentlessly heaped upon them by the below films. Turn back now if you must. Continue reading if you dare.
My ranking of the 2019 films starring Hollywood’s most unique actor was one of the most fun things I wrote last year, so I decided to end 2020 on a high note and give it another go. Maybe this will become an annual thing. Cage’s performances are consistently engaging, sometimes in spite of the movies around them, but I’m always excited to see what he does next. And as luck would have it, he made a good movie this year.
1. Color Out of Space
Tagline: It will consume you.
Metacritic: 70%
Rotten Tomatoes: 86%
IMDb: 6.2/10
Notable Co-Stars: Joely Richardson, Tommy Chong
Most Memorable Line
Richardson: “I don’t know how you can still be interested in me.”
Cage: “You know I’ve always been a leg man.”
Richardson: “So if I have my legs cut off, would you still love me then?”
Cage: “Bit kinky, but… Yes! I could tuck you into my carry-on luggage and enjoy you wherever I go.”
The majority of films starring Nicolas Cage released over the past decade are absolute garbage. Some of them are entertaining, and some of them very much aren’t, but most are garbage nonetheless. Occasionally, a director is able to channel Cage’s uncut insanity into something with discernible artistic value. Richard Stanley has managed to accomplish that with his adaptation of HP Lovecraft’s short story Color Out of Space.
The film follows Nathan Gardner (Cage) and his family as they adjust to life in the country. They’ve recently fallen on hard times and have been forced to move to Nathan’s deceased father’s farmhouse, thus depriving themselves of modern conveniences like sewage and proximity to healthcare. One night, a meteor strikes the Gardners’ front lawn, emanating a fetid stench and a hot pink glow.
Shit gets pretty crazy from there. An alien life force contaminates the well water and begins bending matter and time. Each character changes in different ways and struggles to maintain a grip on his or her sanity. Nathan seems to morph into Cage’s character from Vampire’s Kiss (including his absurd, unplaceable accent), which was a delight to behold.
The movie feels like the love child of Alex Garland’s Annihilation and a batshit Nic Cage vehicle, resulting in a fun yet disturbing experience filled with over-the-top Cage freak-outs. The film’s beautiful neon hue contrasted with its unsettling horror sequences harkens back to 2018’s Mandy, Cage’s last great performance. Color Out of Space doesn’t reach the euphoric, hypnotic highs of Mandy, but it’s an entertaining film that’s well worth watching, and that’s more than I can say about anything that Cage made last year.
The horror genre fits Cage well. His manic energy is at its best when he plays a character driven to his wit’s end by tragic events that may or may not be loosening his hold on reality. This film does just that. Color Out of Space is available to rent through Apple or Amazon for 99 cents. It’s well worth it.
Bonus Quote
Cage: “It’s not like milking a goat. You don’t get a lot of milk from an alpaca. It takes great patience and technique. And of course, you have to be very gentle with the, uh, boobs.”
Another Bonus Quote:
Cage (to teenage daughter): “Okay, you know, I’ve had it with your drama, Lavinia! So do me a favor, and get the fuck outta my sight, okay?! No, no, actually, I’ll save you the trouble and get the fuck outta yours!”
2. The Croods: A New Age
Tagline: The future ain’t what it used to be.
Metacritic: 56%
Rotten Tomatoes: 73%
IMDb: 7.1/10
Notable Co-Stars: Emma Stone, Catherine Keener, Ryan Reynolds, Cloris Leachman, Clark Duke, Leslie Mann, Peter Dinklage, Kelly Marie Tran
Most Memorable Line
Keener: “Sorry, honey! We thought you were a predator trying to kill us.”
Cage: “No, never apologize for an effective kill circle.”
The family comedy is always a bit of a jarring genre for Cage to step into. In the second iteration of The Croods series, he once again stars as Grug, a protective caveman bent on keeping his family together. As the nomadic family searches for a place to call home, Grug becomes worried that his daughter Eep (Emma Stone) will leave to start anew with her boyfriend Guy (Ryan Reynolds). This dynamic is complicated further when the group stumbles upon a more evolved family that has learned to farm and build elaborate tree houses.
This is a pretty standard animated family comedy. If you like that kind of thing, you’ll probably like this movie. It’s beautifully animated, and there are a couple sweet moments, but that’s about all it has to offer. It feels like Dreamworks is trying to make a less sad Pixar film, but that approach leaves the movie feeling flat. There’s a mild attempt to comment on serious matters like immigration and class dynamics, but the movie loses sight of these issues in favor of focusing on a rather bland love story. The film could have been much more engaging in the hands of a studio that was willing to take more risks.
Cage has a couple moments where he gets to let loose a little, but he’s really restricted by the PG rating. I can’t remember the last time I heard the words “heck” and “gosh” repeated so often. Every time his character got angry, I was eagerly waiting for Cage to lose his shit. Unfortunately, he had a firm grasp of it for the entirety of the film. The Croods: A New Age is currently available to rent on most major streaming platforms for $19.99, which is equivalent to twenty rentals of Color Out of Space. There are better ways to waste your money.
3. Jiu Jitsu
Tagline: From the darkness, the ultimate fighter rises.
Metacritic: 27%
Rotten Tomatoes: 37%
IMDb: 2.9/10
Notable Co-Stars: Rick Yune, Tony Jaa
Most Memorable Line
Cage: “But it’s a pretty good life. I mean, I’ve got my hobbies. I make hats out of newspapers. Look at this. You see the attention to detail? It’s an art. It’s a craft.”
Jiu Jitsu is about a group of fighters tasked with saving the world from a vicious space alien, who is just dissimilar enough from Predator for the studio to avoid litigation. This alien allegedly gave humanity the gift of jiu jitsu and returns to Earth once every six years to blow off steam and kill a bunch of people. If it doesn’t kill nine trained jiu jitsu fighters within some undefined amount of time, it will stay on Earth until it kills every man, woman, and child. The group of fighters must confront the alien and either kill it or be killed before it destroys humanity. Cowardice is not an option.
Fuck, this thing is awful. Contrary to the above trailer, Cage only plays a supporting role, and whenever he’s off screen, the movie is unwatchable. Every other actor is hot garbage. The lead role is played by Alain Moussi, who I assume is an Under Armour mannequin that wished to be a real boy. It’s the most boring, pointless performance I’ve seen all year. Cage has a fun role and does what he can to salvage the movie, but this thing is beyond saving.
Despite the film’s title, I saw no actual jiu jitsu. I’m not an expert on the fighting style, but I’ve watched my fair share of UFC fights, and I know that jiu jitsu is based on holds and grappling and generally takes place on the ground. All the fighting in the film occurs with the actors standing up and often involves swordplay. At least this movie probably made a bunch of martial arts bros mad.
Also, the protagonist has amnesia for some reason, which adds nothing to the plot except to make it even more tedious than it already is. Every single scene unfolds as follows:
Sidekick 1: “We have to fight that alien.”
Protagonist: “I don’t remember that.”
Sidekick 2: “Well, we still have to fight that alien.”
Fight scene commences.
Periodically, one of the other fighters will become incensed when the protagonist doesn’t remember something. “You don’t remember the plan?! You came up with the plan! It’s your plan!” He’s still got amnesia, bro. He’s had it the whole fucking movie.
Anyway, this movie sucks, and like most films, it could use way more Nicolas Cage. Jiu Jitsu is available to rent on most major streaming platforms for $4.99, but why the fuck would you do that?
Bonus Quote
Cage: “Ho ho ho! Get off my piano.”
This concludes our odyssey through the 2020 filmography of the great Nicolas Cage. Overall, it was a pretty solid year’s work. 1 good movie out of 3 ain’t bad, especially compared to his 0 for 5 effort in 2019. I was very much looking forward to Prisoners of the Ghostland, which was scheduled to release in 2020 but is now set to premier at Sundance later this month. When asked about the film at an event in Macau, Cage responded:
“I’m thrilled about it! It’s unlike anything I’ve ever read before. It might be the wildest movie I’ve ever made, and that’s saying something. It’s out there. I wear a skintight black leather jumpsuit with grenades attached to different body parts, and if I don’t rescue the governor’s daughter from this state line where they’re all ghosts and bring her back they’re gonna blow me up. It’s just crazy. It’s way out there.”
I think it’s safe to say that 2020 could have been saved singlehandedly by the release of this film. But alas, we must wait a few more months. Color Out of Space will have to tide us over until then.
Michael Dixon is a mild mannered accountant by day and a mild mannered movie watcher by night. He will not do your taxes for you. He lives in Austin, Texas with his lovely television and collection of fine whiskies. You can’t purchase his book anywhere because it doesn’t exist.
